God Gave Me You For the Ups and Downs....

Some days, much like today, I get frustrated. I don’t understand how life can move so fast and things end up the way they do. No matter how much careful planning goes into it, things can still get all turned around and messed up. There are days I want to just bury my face in a pillow and cry. I know I am lucky and I know there are people out there who have it so much worse than me, but sometimes I am selfish….sometimes I let a “why me” slip. I don’t know if people don’t realize it because they are blinded by the fact that I tend to try to stay collected, but life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies over here. This is one of the hardest times of my life. There are days where I just want to sink into a ball and no longer exist…but what good would that do? There is too much to be done. I get asked all the time “How do you do it?” the truth is I stay pretty exhausted…sometimes I break down but most of the time I am just too damn proud to take a break. Life doesn’t care what you have going on and its sure as hell not going to slow down, not even for a second. But, I will not wallow in self pity; that just isn’t me. I hate seeing other people do it…especially when its things they have brought upon themselves or don’t try to change things. Even though it’s a hard pill to swallow, 80% of our problems are caused and festered by ourselves. I will take responsibility for my exhaustion…my stress over more personal things and any resentment I hold towards others. The only person who can fix those things is me. But, alas, there is light at the end of my tunnel…this is how I really do it all…. 

Today I am thankful for support. I am thankful to have someone who pushes me to do more, who picks me up when I am down, and who holds my hand when I am too scared to take a step forward. I am thankful that I have someone who understands me, who knows what to say when I need it and who makes every wrong seem like it’s a right in progress. I am thankful I have someone who instead of criticizing me when I have a bad day, finds humor in my frustrations and reminds me how things aren’t really that bad and give me every ounce of his patience. I am thankful for a man who has never said a cross word to me, even when I have deserved it. I am thankful for a partner that stands beside me and rescues me when I am in need. I am thankful to have someone who appreciates me and goes out of his way every single day to make sure I know it, even if with just a small gesture. I am thankful to have someone who picked me up from rock bottom and reminded me what it felt like to really live, to be myself. I am thankful to have someone who can tolerate my ridiculousness, my controlling nature and my overly competitive personality...I am thankful to have someone who loves those things, even if they are flaws. I am thankful that I don’t go one day without being told I’m beautiful, and more than that, I’m thankful that he makes me feel that way even when I’m at my worst. I am thankful to have someone I can talk to about anything and everything…to be with someone who is legitimately my best friend. I am thankful that he can bring a smile to my face even when my eyes are welling with tears and he can bring a laugh to my chest when I want nothing more than to scream out with frustration. I am thankful I found someone who all around completes me, accepts me, and more importantly loves me for all that I am and all that I’m not. I am thankful to have someone who sees more in me than I ever saw myself, who thinks I’m worth it. 

 

He, is how I do it. So, I will lift up my heavy head and I will smile with appreciation…because I am enough, I have enough and I do enough…even if there are times when I feel like that is all but true. I know that frustration is temporary and that being able to handle things is a choice, you either choose to be strong or you choose to run away from your problems and hide behind excuses and self pity. Don’t be that person; take responsibility. Today, I will try something new…every time I have a negative thought come to my head I will write it in ink on a piece of paper and then, with every ounce of stubbornness I have, I will tear it up and throw it in the trash. There is no problem that is worth stopping life for…nothing worth wasting time sulking for, nothing that cannot be overcome. I will be strong, I have so many reasons to be…and I will not let life pass me by as I sit counting all the things that are wrong…after all, I am just now learning to live again, and God, it is absolutely wonderful. 

As are all things in my life, with strength and
With Love From Betty.