Today, I am tired of stereotypes and I am fed up with expectations.Today, I am thankful for independence and keeping an open mind. Today, I am thankful for my ability to be "Me".

I am completely and utterly strange. I talk to candy… "come to Mama, you delicious ball of chocolate”. I cry for absolutely no reason and spend a majority of my time concocting unlikely fairytale scenarios in my head. I drive too fast and I cuss too much. I get far too excited about others misfortunes in scary movies. I am wanty, needy and in love with all things material. I look in the mirror and think my hips are too high and my thighs too thin and would honestly pursue some fake tata's if I wasn't so skeptical about unnecessary surgeries. I know there are times when I am obnoxiously inappropriate and shouldn’t be…like at a funeral. I spend the weekdays carrying myself with an air of class and confidence but I love a Friday night in a smoke filled room with a beer in my hands and a band playing. My children are always my first priority but I do not feel guilty about having a life outside of being a Mother, I don’t want my girls to think that being a woman who does nothing but stay at home and tend to children is acceptable, I want more for them. I constantly worry about money, my dream is to one day be so set that I no longer stress from check to check. I want to give more of myself than I can, there are not enough hours in the day for all of my ambitions. I could be a better friend, I have such wonderful people in my life and I feel that I should give them more of myself but I am already spread so thin between working and the Children. There are occasions…albeit rare…when I ruin dinner, order a pizza and then cry over breadsticks because I am not society’s definition of Susie Homemaker. I have become completely satisfied with life as it is, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want more, it just means I am no longer feeling as if I am lacking. I am blessed. I get moody; one week out of the month I am a horrible monstrous bitch…but, I am currently fixing that. I have not forgotten where I came from, I am well aware I grew up in a trailer in a Podunk town and wasn’t quite middle class. It’s hard to forget things like that, that’s why I appreciate everything I have and why I always want to provide more for my children, they will never be the kids in the payless shoes. I would get into my love life...but I will spare everyone that, just know it is far from perfect itself. Although currently, I am very happy and complete despite the fact that things aren’t ideal. I am judgmental, Lord forgive me for it, I know it is wrong but sometimes I can’t help but say, “what the fuck”. My confidence can be off putting to some people, but I have a warmth that makes little girls cling to me like a dryer sheet…and I love that, I am very much a Mother of girls. There are things about me that no one knows and plenty I am sure that people don’t understand. I am not perfect. I don’t want to be perfect. I am me, and as long as I am happy with myself I could honestly care less what a person here or there has to say. I try to live my life in an acceptable manner, I am nauseatingly responsible but I refuse to be dull in order to be someone’s definition of perfect. I am no one’s toy, I am a woman. I don’t think it is right to let a man control you. While I think respect is important, you are just as capable as him and should not live to be a baby factory and maid, you are an equal and should be treated as such. I will do your dishes, but I will do them for me, not because I am a woman and you are a man. I am lucky to be in a relationship where this is not an issue, I am a princess and treated as such, which has led me to the realization I should never settle for less than that. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” and then if they aren’t holding up their end….do unto others as they do unto you. That’s right, you can do it, go ahead and feel your backbone…it’s still there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not being a “Pinterest Perfect” woman. There is beauty in difference, there is character in it. Just be a good person, be a good partner and be the best parent you can…now that, sounds perfectly imperfect.

I am quite certain this message would be approved,
With Love From Betty. 

Some days, much like today, I get frustrated. I don’t understand how life can move so fast and things end up the way they do. No matter how much careful planning goes into it, things can still get all turned around and messed up. There are days I want to just bury my face in a pillow and cry. I know I am lucky and I know there are people out there who have it so much worse than me, but sometimes I am selfish….sometimes I let a “why me” slip. I don’t know if people don’t realize it because they are blinded by the fact that I tend to try to stay collected, but life isn’t all rainbows and butterflies over here. This is one of the hardest times of my life. There are days where I just want to sink into a ball and no longer exist…but what good would that do? There is too much to be done. I get asked all the time “How do you do it?” the truth is I stay pretty exhausted…sometimes I break down but most of the time I am just too damn proud to take a break. Life doesn’t care what you have going on and its sure as hell not going to slow down, not even for a second. But, I will not wallow in self pity; that just isn’t me. I hate seeing other people do it…especially when its things they have brought upon themselves or don’t try to change things. Even though it’s a hard pill to swallow, 80% of our problems are caused and festered by ourselves. I will take responsibility for my exhaustion…my stress over more personal things and any resentment I hold towards others. The only person who can fix those things is me. But, alas, there is light at the end of my tunnel…this is how I really do it all…. 

Today I am thankful for support. I am thankful to have someone who pushes me to do more, who picks me up when I am down, and who holds my hand when I am too scared to take a step forward. I am thankful that I have someone who understands me, who knows what to say when I need it and who makes every wrong seem like it’s a right in progress. I am thankful I have someone who instead of criticizing me when I have a bad day, finds humor in my frustrations and reminds me how things aren’t really that bad and give me every ounce of his patience. I am thankful for a man who has never said a cross word to me, even when I have deserved it. I am thankful for a partner that stands beside me and rescues me when I am in need. I am thankful to have someone who appreciates me and goes out of his way every single day to make sure I know it, even if with just a small gesture. I am thankful to have someone who picked me up from rock bottom and reminded me what it felt like to really live, to be myself. I am thankful to have someone who can tolerate my ridiculousness, my controlling nature and my overly competitive personality...I am thankful to have someone who loves those things, even if they are flaws. I am thankful that I don’t go one day without being told I’m beautiful, and more than that, I’m thankful that he makes me feel that way even when I’m at my worst. I am thankful to have someone I can talk to about anything and everything…to be with someone who is legitimately my best friend. I am thankful that he can bring a smile to my face even when my eyes are welling with tears and he can bring a laugh to my chest when I want nothing more than to scream out with frustration. I am thankful I found someone who all around completes me, accepts me, and more importantly loves me for all that I am and all that I’m not. I am thankful to have someone who sees more in me than I ever saw myself, who thinks I’m worth it. 

 

He, is how I do it. So, I will lift up my heavy head and I will smile with appreciation…because I am enough, I have enough and I do enough…even if there are times when I feel like that is all but true. I know that frustration is temporary and that being able to handle things is a choice, you either choose to be strong or you choose to run away from your problems and hide behind excuses and self pity. Don’t be that person; take responsibility. Today, I will try something new…every time I have a negative thought come to my head I will write it in ink on a piece of paper and then, with every ounce of stubbornness I have, I will tear it up and throw it in the trash. There is no problem that is worth stopping life for…nothing worth wasting time sulking for, nothing that cannot be overcome. I will be strong, I have so many reasons to be…and I will not let life pass me by as I sit counting all the things that are wrong…after all, I am just now learning to live again, and God, it is absolutely wonderful. 

As are all things in my life, with strength and
With Love From Betty.