If you're looking for a quick pick me up piece...this isn't it. If you're wanting some nitty gritty honesty, however, then you have come to the right place. I missed my transparent Tuesday post so I am just going to get bare bones here instead.


I want to start this out with a quote. The authors name will be left out..because this isn't just a pinterest quote. This is something a man once told me, a man I loved very much a very long time ago when he was just a boy I guess. But these words have stuck with me like the sweetest nostalgic glue:

"I don't pretend to know you these days, but I could never forget."

Its rare I quit when I am ahead, but I love the fact that the person I was is still so fond in his heart, even if we're two totally different people more than a decade past that, and I am definitely not the girl he was in love with. Well...not exactly...I am still all the things I have always been, but I was so lucky that that image of me was never jaded by all the other things I have become. I did indeed, quit that while I was ahead and he never had to learn to love the parts of me that weren't so pretty.

So with that little piece I want to share this with you.....

Dear Men,

She will not always be the girl you fell in love with, just like you will not be the same man. We are ever changing, ever evolving creatures.

I can promise you more often than not she is always looking for things in you to love, as you grow as a man she notices it...as you become a father her heart is going to love you so much more. It may not always seem like she sees you...but its in our nature to always look. Its just the fun part of having a vagina...and a bleeding heart. Not to be confused with a bleeding vagina because she may see you slightly different that week....but its give and take. You can't win them all all the time.

I can remember the moment I knew my husband was in love with me. I could feel his eyes burning holes through me as he just stared amazed. I have no idea what he saw, but he saw so much of me in that moment. He saw things that made him just radiate love and I could feel it. I don't know if it was the way I laughed, something I had said or just the curve of my face, but he was in love.
When you fall in love with who someone is I think the hardest part is staying in love as they change; as we grow up - and we are constantly growing up, I don't care if you're 60. Priorities change, personalities change, people simply change. But when you really love someone I think that being "in love" should be able to change and evolve with us as well. So sure she may not be the free spirited, adventurous, sly fox she was when you started dating because other things have taken priority but those things are still a part of her. Her heart still has those same little wild streaks but her priorities have changed. We become women who focus on careers, focus on kids, who can't afford to be the carefree things we once were all the time. But that doesn't mean there still aren't things about her worth loving. Like the way she still finds it important to hold your arm because you still make her feel safe, or how she can successfully wrangle kids and get them all down for a nap at the same time - trust me thats a skill. So the things you fell in love with may not be as apparent on the surface but there are still things about her worth loving. Because I promise you, she's trying so hard and probably is already having a hard enough time loving herself. When you have small moments alone in the evening and you can breathe in the silence...is her face still not just as lovely with her hair thrown back and her lips finally relaxed from the day? She is a warrior - and you have no idea. That same strong heart is still there and you're just not seeing it the same. You're not looking for those small pieces of wonder that she still has. Maybe she's not always looking for them in you either...none of us are perfect. We all get caught up in life and it is so easy to put what matters on the back burner then we end up distraught and empty feeling with no idea how we got here. It's because you quit trying, because we quit prioritizing meeting each other, embracing the new people we are constantly becoming. On a first date I bet I was intriguing. The conversations never ending, the spark of rebellion...I am sure watching me have 3 beers and want to arm wrestle a man 3 times my size is pretty adorable...watching my eyes light up as I talked about the things I felt so strongly about how could you not want to drown in someone when they are so...interesting. So, a first date now obviously wouldn't be the same...but I am still that person. A person with feelings, and dreams and a spark. Even if its not the same, there are still things worth loving. Things that make me "me". And EVERY girl is like that if you give her a chance. She is so much more than just a Mom and Wife...she's still a woman and man you should meet her. Get to know the how amazing she still is.

So men, a friendly suggestion today...

If you can look at her and not find one quality she has, be it new or old, that doesn't make you want her on every level, that doesn't strike a chord in your heart...then let someone else love her. Its not fair to her because there is someone who can look at her now and they might not see the things you fell in love with, but they will see things about her that you missed. They may see how strong her dedication is, how hard she's working to be a million different things to a million people. They may notice how beautiful she is swaying in the kitchen to her favorite song...that hint of being 21 still hiding in the way she moves her hips...even if they're a little wider than the ones you one dug your fingers into when you wanted her so badly. The choice is up to you...up to all of us...we can either be willing to learn to love or let someone else do it. Its not fair to accept anything less because as individuals we are such beautiful creatures, all of us, women AND men. Someone out there is going to see the things you no longer take time to. So, lets commit to falling in love a million times for a million reasons...because how lucky are we to get to over and over fall in love...especially with the same person. Having a successful marriage is a choice we make every single day, loving someone is a choice we have to constantly make, its not always going to be easy and some days it may be really hard but the choice is still yours. You can choose to look a little harder at each other, choose to give each other the love you deserve. No one can make that choice that but you.

So...have you really looked at her lately?