When Loving gets Hard.

She's by no means a bad kid. She just marches to the beat of her own drum. A loud, ridiculous drum. Her mouth moves faster than her brain, and her little looks can cut you to pieces like a knife. She is too friendly and shares too much. She will strike up a conversation with anyone in public, and her imagination can definitely get the better of her. She also has a smart mouth. She can drive me nuts - and I know I'm not the only person. I want to profusely apologize to her teacher as she talks with us, highlighting all the good about her before tip toeing around what needs improvement. Listen here lady, we live with her, you're not surprising us any. I actually want to apologize a lot to people for her. I worry that they are seeing all her rough little edges but not getting to see the kind, sweet girl that she is. 

I see that. I see her trying to mind her mouth when she's talking. I see her hugging her little brother and telling him she loves him. I see her making sure to use her manners when speaking to adults. I see her more than anyone else does. I see the hard headed-ness but I also see a little girl eager to please everyone around her. I see her rich with imagination and wonder. I see a little girl that sometimes feels overshadowed. I see that she just needs more love, and more understanding. 

It's not an excuse to let her act out or talk back, but it is a reminder that she's still learning, and trying so hard. I pray that others see that, that they take the time to love her quirks. We expect so much from children at a young age and I'm no different. In public I have pretty high standards and fairly well behaved children, but at home they need the chance to be kids. 

So, it's led me to think about all the children I've raised an eyebrow at, the ones that get under your skin a bit and you wonder what their parent is doing wrong. Children I knew very little about. I want to be more understanding. Every child out there is special to someone and I have no idea the circumstances that lead to their behavior. But I do know that somewhere there's a mom praying for that child just like I am praying for mine. Praying the world will be kind, praying others understand that you're trying your best, that your baby is trying its best. Praying they'll grow out of it. That they'll be loved. 

It's hard. It's really, really hard some days. Worrying about how she is when I'm not there, worrying about her "annoying" people. The best I can do for her is to love her, which I do so fiercely, even when it's hard. But just like I love her, I can love others. Instead of fretting when I see another child with such intense character, I can find the things to love. I can pray for them, pray for their parents, and pray for a world that's a little more kind and understanding. After all, we are shaping the future. It's our job to make it a better one, both by our actions and the children we raise for it. 

With a more open heart,

Kayla